Call me Ishmael.
Usually the moral of the story is given at the end of the story, but, here, I am providing the moral first. Do not wait to think clearly, and, for God's sake, do not weigh the negatives and positives when you believe you should obtain a 50B order (or temporary restraining order). Do not pass go. Do not try to act rationally. Run straight to the courthouse.
Here's the background: I am getting a divorce. I'm 34 and a mother of a 4 year old child. My soon-to-be-ex-husband (let's call him Jack) is not even an American citizen and has a criminal record as long as the number of attorneys in America. (Assault on a female (me), Verbal threat to a female (me again), drunken and disorderly (he actually waived down a police car in the middle of the night and cussed out he police officer because the police officer wouldn't drive him home), thrown in jail in Miami for starting a bar fight and yelling at a police officer....do you see a pattern yet...., hit me with my blackberry). He's also attempted suicide twice and was involuntarily committed. Try to imagine his every day persona when all these incidents have occurred all within the last few years. Try living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
So he moved out of our house (finally) on October 24, 2009 (one day after our 5 year anniversary - best anniversary present I got since we were married). Yet, he still texted. And texted. And texted. It became harassing. He began calling me names. In fact, on November 10, 2009, he sent over 20 texts while I was at work calling me awful names and accusing me of cheating on him.
Sidebar: while we were married, apparently, I had the best sex life EVER for a married woman. During our marriage, Jack accused me of cheating on him with at least 10 colleagues, my best friend, even my brother-in-law....yeah, I, know, totally Jerry Springer.
He further began texting and harassing my family and friends. He cut off my electricity, my gas, my cable and internet (yes, this is the marital house in which our 4 year old daughter lives). He emailed me threatening to take our little girl from her school unless I hooked up our gas again. Needless to say, I don't believe it is in her best interest to live with Jack. One never knows when he may overdose on prescription pills or lose his temper with a 4 year old, who can not call me for help. I guess I'm a bad mother for not teaching her how to call my cell if she believes her daddy is under the influence.
At this time, I was trying to decide whether I should file for a 50B. A 50B should not be taken lightly. It prevents any contact with Jack at all...and, after all, he was the father of my daughter. Also, it goes on his record. Future employers could see that a restraining order had been taken out on him. Further, in the middle of a divorce, if one of the parties throws a 50B into the mix, you can rest assured that no settlement will ever occur. You will be paying huge amounts of money to attorneys and litigate in court. So I had to ask myself, was all the trouble surrounding a 50B worth the trouble? Did I really need protection from him? Was I really scared for myself and my daughter?
Apparently, according to North Carolina law, I did the worst thing possible. I thought about it for a couple days.
Next came the icing on the cake. I received emails and texts from Jack indicating that he knew where I was during the day...and night. He knew who I was with. He knew what I was GOING to do that night. How do you say he did this? I have no idea. I have my guesses and I'm pretty sure I'm fairly accurate. But I was now officially scared.
The next day I filled out the burdensome forms at the courthouse to get a 50B action. I went before a judge. His attorney and my attorney were present, but it was still considered an ex parte 50B action because Jack wasn't there. The judge found enough evidence and awarded the 50B action for me. However, she did not award any protection to my daughter. He could still come take her from her school. Obviously, I was not happy.
Per statute, 10 days later I had to appear before a different judge to maintain my restraining order. The worst part about this one was that I had to see Jack. But surely, I thought, the restraining order would remain in place.
Jack wrote an affidavit full of lies. Nine pages of lies!!! Full blown out lies. As if, he must have sat up one night and thought, what could I possibly say to make Ishmael look as if she has every possible mental disorder, is an unfit mother, plus is a bisexual nymphomaniac. After reading his fictional affidavit, I was surprised I could walk straight and form sentences without drooling and dry humping everyone in sight.
Call me naive. Call me a believer in the legal system. But can you really fabricate such shit and testify to the shit in the stand? Doesn't God send lightning bolts to strike these people down? Can't attorneys object on the grounds that the witness is lying? Can't I stand up in the middle of the courtroom and yell, "Liar!!"
Which brings me to my next question. What are the repercussions of a witness lying on the stand? Obviously I can give the old retort of, "nuh uh." But, really, I have to hear this? So I came up with a great idea. Slander. Surely, the unsubstantiated and untrue fictional story that he was telling the judge was grounds to sue him for slander. I mean, come on, he wasn't paying any child support; I should sue him for a civil tort. I asked my lawyer. Apparently, in a contested divorce case, such as this one, there is a qualified immunity for the civil suit of slander So who protects me? Who protects the people who tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me God? Should I sit up at night and fabricate stories about him? Maybe I saw him put peanut butter on himself and get undressed in front of our dog to be satisfied...(don't laugh-that is the type of shit that was written in his affidavit).
Then after the entire hearing was over, the judge ruled in Jack's favor. No restraining order. No protection that my little girl won't be taken from her school before I can get there. What was the judge's reason?
Because I took too long to file the 50B. I thought about too long. If I were really scared and emotionally distraught, I would have filed the 50B action immediately.
So I warn you men and women, if you believe you fear someone may hurt you or a loved one. Or you're being harassed, do not think about any repercussions. Don't think about the fact that they can get one the stand and lie about you. Don't think at all that it may not be good for that person's record. Just be hasty and run straight to the courthouse or you will not get any protection.
Here, here to the American justice system.
